In Between Ix: Hipster Apocalypse
by Eloise05
Summary: HUMANIZED. Rico and Kowalski engage in the age old debate of who would survive in a zombie apocalypse. Skipper wants to follow his dream. You can't tell a man not to follow his dream, right? And Marlene in thrust into a new culture and tries to not be too mainstream.
1. Chapter 1

_**Ricardo "Rico" Fernandez**__: he is the only one still leaving in the HQ (a big, one room apartment with no wall divisions, grey , brick walls and grey floors). He's tall with dark hair and topaz eyes and the usual scar on the left part of his mouth._

_**Steven Davidson a.k.a. Skipper**__: in the beginning he is sharing an apartment with Private. He has brown hair and piercing blue eyes. _

_**Percival "Percy" Smith a.k.a. Private**__: He's the youngest and smallest in the group. Private's love of sewing and making doll's dresses turned into a business and now he owns a clothing store which he manages when he's not with the team. Of British origin, he has light blonde hair, baby blue eyes and freckles. _

_**Jan Kowalski**__: He is gay-married according to NY state law to Francis Blowhole, whit whom he is living. He is of Polish descent, the tallest of the group, blonde and blue eyed. _

_**Marlene Potter**__: She is a very cute, flirty, but zany girl. She has dark brown hair and brown eyes. _

_**Francis Blowhole**__: is Kowalski's life partner (because mad scientist's have to keep together). He has light brown hair, green eyes__and wears an electronic eye patch over his right eye__(which he devised) designed after the shape of his eye and bone structure. (In case you were wondering, no he didn't gave up the Evil business all together)_

_**Julian King**__: He is the owner of the club The Kingdom. He is very tall, thin and likes to wear leather (neah, just joking (or am I?)). He is dark skinned and has amber eyes. _

_In the HQ Kowalski, Julian and Rico are watching a zombie movie, while Skipper is in the kitchen preparing some lunch._

**Skipper: **Okay, in no way is this movie based on a true story.

**Rico: **It's a future true story. A zombie apocalypse is going to happen. I mean, why do you think I live the way I do?

**Kowalski: **Hmm, lack of ambition, no self-respect.

**Julian: **Credit score in the ones.

**Rico: **No, guys, zombies. I mean, studies show only one of us would survive. The question is, which one? (_pats Julian's head_)

**Julian: **Depends on survival strategy, you know? Are we talking strength to fight them or ability to blend in and live amongst them?

**Kowalski: **Amongst? Are we doing amongst now?

**Rico: **Can we focus up here, okay? This is life and death.

**Julian: **All right, if we're gonna do ability to blend in, I say Skipper. He's basically a zombie.

**Skipper **(_outraged_): What?

**Rico: **Yeah, I've seen your daily routine, man. Wake up at 6:00, shower, eat the same fiber-based cereal that is clearly geared towards menopausal women.

**Skipper: **Curves Crunch is for everyone.

**Kowalski: **Eeehm…

**Julian: **And, like a zombie, you don't really have any hopes or dreams.

**Skipper: **I have dreams!

**Rico: **Really? Besides risking your life on a daily basis for a whole world who will probably never know about it and never thank you…

**Skipper: **Look, I am still working on opening my own restaurant.

**Julian: **Oh, yeah, you were just mentioning that, like, six years ago.

**Skipper: **Yeah, but I made these delicious steak sandwiches for us, despite the fact that the HQ's oven only goes up to 150.

**Kowalski: **Well, I can tell you who would die first in a zombie attack. I mean, it's obviously Rico.

**Rico **(_spits his drink once, then again_): I did that double-spit take to illustrate how insane you sound right now. I'm sorry, but you would die first.

**Kowalski: **Me?

**Rico: **Oh, yeah.

**Kowalski: **You are out of shape and you have no marketable talents.

**Rico: **Counterpoint. There are things in this world that you love. That slows people down. My cold, black heart and living without attachments to anyone or anything, that's my greatest asset right there.

**Skipper: **Don't do this, Rico. He is seriously competitive. You know this.

**Rico: **Let the zombie Olympics begin, Bill Nye the science guy. .

**Kowalski: **Bring it on.

_Outside the HQ, Kowalski and Rico are in the runner's starting positions, ready to commence the race around the block that will show which of them is the fastest. Skipper and Julian are watching from the sidelines. _

**Skipper: **On your mark, get set, go. (_they start running_) So I'm really a zombie?

**Julian: **You could stand to shake things up a bit. Well, you know, the bright side, zombies are super in right now.

**Skipper: **No, I'd rather be a vampire.

**Julian: **We'd all rather be vampires, my friend. (_Kowalski wins the race, Rico coming in a few paces after him_)

**Kowalski: **Crushed it! Right now, Rico's face is being eaten off by zombies.

**Rico: **This is not over between us.

**Kowalski: **Bring it. Okay, I own you, all right? I am in your head, and I got a three-bedroom condo in there.

**Skipper: **Okay, we got it.

**Rico **(_panting, lying down on the sidewalk_): You guys just go, okay? I'm about to hit my runner's high. We're going out tonight. We're gonna do it big.

_Private and Marlene are at a public Laundromat. Marlene is dressed in the last clean clothes she found at the bottom of her closet. It is a hodge-podge of colours and layers. _

**Marlene: **My laundry day outfit is not meant for public eyes.

**Private: **It's all right, it's a Laundromat. Everyone here's a weirdo. (_looks at the stranger using the washer next to them_) Not you. Oh, you know what? I gotta get some quarters.

_On Marlene's other side is a young man dressed pretty much like her: ratty sweater, weird, flashy coloured fishing pants, sneakers and wide rimmed glasses. _

**Guy: **Nice outfit.

**Marlene: **Hi. You, too. So you come here often?

**Guy: **Only when my clothes are dirty.

**Marlene: **Ah, so we have that in common.

**Guy: **I'm Toby.

**Marlene: **Marlene.

**Toby: **You know, these dryers take forever. You wanna go next door, get a cup of coffee?

**Marlene: **Oh, um… Yes. Sure. Okay.

_The next day at Private's shop. Marlene has her clothes back to their nice and clean state. She is now dressed very nicely ready for a date with Toby, the young man she met at the Laundromat. Rico is sprawled on the couch made available for the customers, checking his phone and Private is there, obviously, because it's his store. _  
**Marlene: **I spend so much time trying to look good, and then I wear my grungiest outfit and a cute guy is into me.

**Private: **I should hang out in Laundromats more. Yes, I'll have to put up with a lot of abandoned underpants, but once in a while, cute bloke.

**Rico: **Rockefeller over here, too good for free underpants. (_Private sends a scathing look his way_)

**Marlene: **I cannot wait for you guys to meet Toby. Oh, my God, we are into all the same things: The Home Shopping Network, baby animals on the Internet. He even thinks it's cool that I needlepoint.

**Rico: **It sounds like you're dating my grandma. Oh, I just got a text from Kowalski. He's building an addition on the condo he has in my brain. Not okay. Not during a recession.

**Marlene: **Toby's here. Why is he still dressed like that?

**Rico: **Oh, my God, you know what he is, right? He's a hipster.

**Marlene **(_dismissive_): Oh, no.

**Rico: **The skinny jeans, the scarf no matter the season. This guy's a hipster, Marlene. Those things you like, he likes them ironically.

**Marlene: **You don't know that.

**Rico: **Yes, I do. I can smell him from here, and he smells like a flea market.

**Marlene: **Watch your mouth. (_Toby enters the shop_)

**Toby: **Oh, hey. You ready to go? I just heard about this awesome underground mix tape swap.

**Private: **I never thought I'd ever say this, butRico's right.

**Rico: **Hey, that bike lock out there, is that also your belt?

**Toby **(_very enthused_): Oh, I know, right?

**Rico: **Yeah. (_chuckles_)

**Toby **(_noticing Marlene's very nice, but un-hipster clothes_): Uh, what's with the get-up?

**Rico: **Oh. It's, uh… It's Marlene's laundry day.

**Toby: **You must love doing laundry.

**Marlene: **I really attract stains, you know? All over. Let's head out.

**Toby: **All right. See you. Nice to meet you.

**Rico **(_in a mocking tone_): The pleasure is ours. Take it easy. (_Marlene shoots him a warning glare through the shop window_)

_At Darla's Julian, Rico and Skipper are having a drink. Skipper has a sullen look on his face. _

**Skipper: **You guys were right, I am a zombie. In my job, with Private, with Lola.

**Julian: **She did literally run away from you at the wedding.

**Rico: **You should have ate her brains when you had the chance.

**Skipper: **But, see, that's it. I'm done. I'm making some serious and aggressive changes in my life.

**Julian & Rico: **Okay, yeah.

**Skipper: **Which is why I'm pursuing my personal dream of opening my own restaurant.

**Rico: **Really, what?

**Julian **(_choking on his drink_): Come again?

_Rico and Julian are in the HQ discussing Skipper's big revelation with Private. _  
**Private: **Someone needs to tell him that's a horrible idea. He has tons of debt and the economy sucks.

**Rico: **How can you tell a man not to follow his dream? l know another man that had a dream, Fievel, in An American Tail. Are you gonna tell Fievel he can't go west?

**Julian: **You just switched movies at the end there.

**Rico: **It's about a dream, and we are not dream-crushers, like some blond persons. (_he points with one hand at Private, but tries to hide it with his other hand_)

**Julian: **What are you doing?

**Rico: **Nothing.

**Private: **I can see it. (_Skipper comes in very excited carrying a cardboard box full of various things_)

**Skipper: **Guys, great news, I found my inspiration basket.

**Rico: **I don't know what's more upsetting, you have one, or that you call it that.

**Skipper: **It's got all my restaurant ideas and my menus I've collected over the years, to-do list. ''Get haircut.'' Maybe I will, 2007 Skipper. Maybe I will.

**Private: **Anything you guys wanna say?

**Julian: **Nope.

**Rico: **Uh, no. Just good luck with that haircut.

**Skipper: **Thanks. (_gets his cardboard box and leaves_. _Private regales them with the most pissed off look he has in his arsenal_)

**Rico: **Look, I'll talk some sense into him, and he'll get it, all right? Skipper and I have been friends forever. We're on the same wavelength..

**Private: **That's what troubles me.

_Rico and Marlene are once again at Private's store. _

**Marlene: **One word to describe my date with Toby, redick. He took me to this secret Foursquare party and there was a band made up entirely of Speak & Spells.

**Rico: **And that was fun?

**Marlene **(_not sure_): I think so.

**Rico: **Are you sure about this guy, Marlene? I feel you're doing that thing where you take on characteristics of the guy you're dating.

**Marlene: **I don't do that. Anyway, love makes us do crazy things.

**Rico: **Does it?

**Marlene**: Rico, I really like him, okay? And you've gotta just tell me what to do so I don't embarrass myself.

**Rico: **Okay. You've gotta do everything I say. Follow every direction without asking a single question. (_he herds her into a dressing room and gives her the most ridiculous outfits to try on, while he lectures on the many aspects of hipsterism_) Hipster rule number one, never try. Never put effort into anything.

**Marlene: **Got it.

**Rico: **We're gonna need to put jeans under that skirt and sweats over those jeans. Hipster rule number two, only like things ironically: Books, movies, TV shows, the environment. (_Marlene comes out in something resembling a hipster Snow White_) Oh, look at that.

**Private: **Guys, you know I sell clothes here, nice clothes.

**Rico: **Private, adults are speaking here. Hipster rule number three: You can never show too much enthusiasm.

**Marlene: **I can do that.

**Rico: **Can you? (_he turns up the radio_) Fight it, Marlene. Don't dance. Don't dance. (_Private starts dancing around him_) He can dance. Look how much fun that is. (_he starts dancing with Private_) Don't feel it. Look how much fun that is. Look at much fun we're having.

**Private **(_stops_): Too much fun.

**Rico: **Too much fun. Good. Final rule: Everything is dumb. Someone says something you don't understand, you just go, ''I'm over it''.

**Marlene: **FroYo - over it. Other stuff - over it.

**Rico: **Great. Just missing one thing. (_he places a pair of thick rimmed glasses on her face just like someone would put a crown at a coronation ceremony_) Aww, perfect. Go, my little weirdo. (_Marlene heads for the door, not without bumping into some stuff on the way)_ Uh, careful, though.

**Private: **Just watch your way. Please be careful.

**Rico: **Those are prescript.

_At the HQ, Rico opens the door to reveal Kowalski brimming with confidence. _  
**Kowalski: **All right, next zombie challenge, bring it or bling it.

**Rico: **Not a real phrase. (_takes a swig from the very large juice bottle he has in his hand_) Zombies sense motion, so what we're gonna do is the person who sits still the longest wins, and that will be me, because you are a type A nutjob who can't sit still.

**Kowalski: **Oh, please. It is on like Donkeytron. (_he takes a seat on the couch_)

**Rico: **You're trying to sound confident, but you sound like a 50-year-old divorcee talking to their stepson. (_places the bottle on the table in front of the couch, then sits down next to Kowalski_) The game will begin in three, two, one. (_puts his feet up on the table and knocks the bottle over. Leans in and whispers in Kowalski's ear)_ You wanna clean up that juice so bad. Clean up the juice. Mm, look at it spilling all over the ground, making a huge mess. God, you gotta clean up the juice.

**Kowalski: **Okay, it is not just messy, it is unsafe. (_grabs a cloth from nearby and tries soaking up the spill_)

**Rico: **The zombies have taken you down, and I am using your body as a sleeping bag, tauntaun style. By the way, I have no idea whose boxers those are.

**Kowalski: **Oh, God.

_Marlene is on her hipster date. She and her date, Toby, arrive at an underground club (and by that I mean not mainstream) where some of Toby's hipster friends waste their time. _  
**Toby:** Meet my friends Ione and Atticus. She has a blog about zines and he won the mustache contest three years in a row.

**Atticus: **Pfft, like I care.

**Toby **(_points to the guy performing on the small stage of the club):_ See that guy? He's right-handed, but he refuses to play with his dominant hand. It's too commercial.

**Ione: **He's huge on the abandoned gas station circuit.

**Atticus: **What do you think?

**Marlene: **Oh… over it.

**Toby: **Totally.

**Atticus: **Yeah.

**Ione: **Yeah, I'm super over it. Why are we even here?

**Toby: **I don't know.


	2. Chapter 2

_Everybody is gathered in Kowalski and Blowhole's apartment (because they have cool technological stuff and Skipper wanted a high-tech widescreen to use for his presentation). _

**Skipper: **First of all, welcome. I'd like to introduce you to New York's revolutionary new dining experience. So many cuisines from around the world, how do you choose just one? (_he turns to Blowhole_) You're married, right, sir?

**Blowhole: **Yeah, to Kowalski. You know that. 

**Skipper: **Let's say the two of you are going out to dinner. You want Mexican, he wants Japanese. What do you do?

**Kowalski & Blowhole: **We get Japanese. 

**Skipper: **Exactly. There's no way to decide. That's why I give you Terra Mix. Nine hundred dishes from one hundred and twenty seven ethnic cuisines all on one menu, baby. (_throws a huge three pound ledger, the menu, in Kowalski's lap_) 

**Kowalski: **Oh, all right. Seems like a lot. 

**Rico: **Did you spend $17,000 at the copy store?

**Skipper: **And I know this is gonna take capital. That's why tomorrow I am meeting with a restaurant investor. This is it, guys! Let's celebrate. Terra Mix. Champaign, coming up. (_goes to retrieve the Champaign_) 

**Private: **What the hell, Rico, I thought you talked to Skipper?

**Rico: **There was a glitch in the wavelength. 

**Private: **Okay, someone needs to talk to him. 

**Kowalski: **Yes, before he starts feeding New York Inuit blubber tacos. 

**Private: **Well, it can't be me. I've crushed his entire personal life this year. I cannot blow up his professional life. 

**Julian: **I'm not at a point right now in my life where I can be taken seriously. 

**Kowalski: **Okay, somebody has got to talk to him. This is absolutely… Skipper! 

**Skipper: **Private, can you help me? (_indicating the champaign and a plethora of champaign glasses he's struggling with_)

**Private: **Yeah, sure. 

**Skipper: **Guys, I wanna thank you for your support. You know, I couldn't do this without you. Thank you for believing in me. To Terra Mix 

_Later, still at his apartment, Kowalski and Rico are playing a console zombie game, while Marlene is doing some hand works to get more into her hipster persona. _  
**Rico: **How's that condo you're building in my brain now, huh? What's that? You built it too quick and the economy collapsed and now you're out on the street doing hand stuff for food… Ugh! How did we tie?

**Kowalski: **Two-two again? Okay, okay, there is one category left: ruthlessness. But I haven't figured out how to measure that. 

**Rico: **Oh, mug a baby. 

**Kowalski: **No. But you're in the right area. 

**Marlene: **Hey, guys, you wanna come to a super-fun party on Friday night with Toby and all his friends?

**Rico: **No way. 

**Marlene: **It's gonna be totally normal. 

**Kowalski: **No, it's not. 

**Marlene: **Fine. It's a Long lsland '90s bat mitzvah theme. 

**Rico: **Ugh, hipsters. 

**Kowalski: **Aren't you getting a little tired of this? I mean, the clothes, the antique yo-yos, you've been making lanyards for four hours. Just seems like a lot of work. 

**Marlene: **What relationship isn't work?

**Rico: **Affleck and Garner. Those kids got it figured out. (_Kowalski nods his agreement_) 

**Marlene: **Okay, yes, knowing what's cool and what's not cool is exhausting. But I'm learning, and Toby's worth it. Come on Friday, for me? There's a thumb-wrestling tournament at the after party. 

**Kowalski: **Are any of these people adults?

**Marlene: **They will be after the bat mitzvah. 

_Skipper is presenting his restaurant idea to an investor. _

**Skipper: **Imagine the diversity of Earth meets the future of food and that, my good man is Terra Mix. One world, one restaurant. 

**Investor: **Incredible. I have to call my partners in to hear this. 

**Skipper: **Great. 

**Investor: **When they get here, pitch it again. Same way. As if you don't know it's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

**Skipper: **Okay…What?

_At Darla's, Skipper is sharing his bad news. _

**Skipper: **I made a big mistake. 

**Kowalski: **You can't blame yourself. 

**Skipper: **No, no, I'm not, you know? I get it, economy's bad, which is why I'm gonna bypass the whole traditional investor thing and cash in on my 401 K. Plus, I'm working with this guy who told me a way I can get a little cash from his dad. Sounds sketchy, right? Wrong. All I gotta do is take a box of calling cards to an airfield in Indiana. Cut and dry. (_by this point everybody is avoiding to make eye contact with him and Private is seething with uncharacteristic anger towards his friends_) What's wrong?

**Julian **(_trying to change the subject_): Is this light beer?

**Skipper: **You don't believe in this whole Terra Mix thing?

**Marlene: **I love restaurants. 

**Kowalski: **We- We- We all love… restaurants. 

**Skipper: **Yeah, I get it. I get it. (_leaves_) 

**Rico: **Skipper, come…

**Private: **Well, this is officially out of hand and none of you is gonna say anything? Really?

**Julian: **It is light beer. 

**Private: **Fine. I'll do it. (_goes after Skipper_) 

**Julian: **And this all started as your standard ''Who would have survived the zombie apocalypse'' debate.

**Rico: **Can you imagine what would happen if we ever had a real conversation?

_At the HQ, Skipper is leafing through the massive menu he put together for the Terra Mix restaurant, when Private comes in._

**Private: **Hey. 

**Skipper: **I know, Terra Mix was a stupid idea. 

**Private: **No, not totally. Just had a lot of stupid stuff surrounding it. Skipper, I know that lately you've thought of me as a dream crusher, but in this case I just wanna be a dream compactor. (_he demonstrates plucking a dream out of the air and compacting it with an innocent look on his face_).

**Skipper: **Okay, that's not fair. The hand gestures make compacting look adorable, so…

**Private: **This huge scheme is not you, okay? You're reasonable and responsible. 

**Skipper: **I know. I'm so reasonable and I'm so responsible it turned me into a zombie, all right? I got that message loud and clear. 

**Private: **Okay, but look, there's a middle ground. You don't need to go from zero to 60 in… Whatever. I don't know car stuff. (_takes a look through the menu himself_) Look, you don't need Kazak food, you don't need Inuit blubber. You don't need to try and make the vegans happy. They never will be. Sushi, okay? Stick with what you're good at. Start small. A little sushi shop, maybe. 

**Skipper: **I still need to find some money. (_Private pushes a ring box towards him_) Are you proposing to me? Because l feel like we have a weird history. 

**Private: **It's the ring you gave Lola. You left it behind when you moved out. It's not gonna cover everything, but it's a start. 

**Skipper: **Thanks, Private. 

_Marlene, Rico, Private, Kowalski and Blowhole are just outside of the '90s bat mitzvah theme party. They are all dressed accordingly (you may ask how is that: '90s fashion with some Jewish accessories thrown in, yarmulkes, dreidel bracelet, star of David), except for Rico._  
**Marlene: **You guys, thank you so much for coming. You look amazing. Let's get this '90s bat mitzvah on. It's gonna be insanity. (_they go inside, where no one is dressed up or dancing or showing signs of having any kind of fun, for that matter_) 

**Private: **Uh, no one here is dressed up. 

**Rico: **I am super-happy with my choices. Ooh, gefilte fish. 

**Ione: **You guys seem to be putting in a lot of effort. 

**Marlene: **Yeah, we're dressed for a '90s bat mitzvah. 

**Atticus: **Yeah, crimped hair, yarmulkes, seems a little obvious. 

**Marlene: **Obvious? To be dressing up for a costume party?

**Ione: **Um, this is a theme party. There's a difference. 

**Toby: **Look, it's just not cool to try so hard. 

**Marlene: **We are trying too hard? Ione wears an empty fanny pack everywhere. Atticus spends his weekends at yard sales scrounging around for jean shorts. Plus, his name is Atticus. I've seen you wearing headphones that aren't attached to anything. Listen up, hipsters. Yeah, maybe I do try too hard, okay? But that's because trying hard can be fun.  
And you know what else is fun? Actually liking things. Like this song, I like this song. I like it a lot, and not ironically. I ''like it'' like it, and so do my friends. Guys, we're dancing out. (_she tries to back out dancing. The others just walk out)_ Guys? This is not awkward. (_Rico comes back and drags her out_) 

**Rico: **Here, come… Here we go. Okay. You showed them. Okay. You're good. Night! 

_Outside_

**Kowalski: **Oh, a food truck. Thank Tesla, I'm starving. 

**Private: **Yeah, me too. Ugh, I'm hung… (_Skipper pokes his head out through the trucks serving window_) 

**Blowhole: **Skipper? Is this yours? It's awesome. 

**Skipper: **I know. I got some really good advice from a special person and decided to start small. 

**Rico: **It's all about the wavelength, brother. 

**Skipper: **No, no, not you. Uh, Private. So gonna do this part-time. 

**Marlene: **Food trucks are huge right now. 

**Skipper: **This thing is awesome. Although, I cannot drive it. I definitely hit something on the way over here. Was it a man? Was it a log? Was it a beast? We'll never know. 

**Toby: **Hey, guys, food truck. 

**Rico: **Hey, hipsters love food trucks. 

**Skipper:** I don't have any food. 

**Marlene: **Ooh, they're not gonna like that. 

**Skipper: **Well, I can't lose my biggest consumer base. They'll tweet me out of business.

**Kowalski: **Everybody get in the truck. Rico, you distract the hipsters. 

**Rico: **Hey, everybody, look over there! Sophia Coppola's playing badminton with Jason Schwartzman. 

**Kowalski & Rico: **Drive! Drive!

**Kowalski: **Impressive moves back there with those hipsters. Maybe we'd both do okay in a zombie apocalypse. 

**Rico: **Are you kidding? With our skills combined, we'd be unstoppable. 

**Kowalski **(_sees the slow moving and fast growing mass of hipsters outside_)**: **Oh, there's more of them. 

**Rico: **What? (_Kowalski pushes him out of the truck_)

**Kowalski: **Ruthlessness!

**Rico **(_running after the truck and away from the hipsters_): All right. Okay, very funny, guys. Throw your friend out of a car. Slow down. Skipper, slow down, I can't run. I didn't stretch today, so don't… Slow down. Ah! I pulled my hamstring, Skipper. Slow down. I pulled my other hamstring out. Skipper! Skipper, you're… This is not something that friends do to each other. 


End file.
